I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
