got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
