If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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