if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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