thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
