Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
