i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
