I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
