i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
