was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
