So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
zippers are such a cool invention
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
