We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
