You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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