Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the condom got lost in my hair
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
