She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
