She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my shit smells like andre
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
