I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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