He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
