do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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