You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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