CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
