I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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