STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
