I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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