I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
