Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
