haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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