You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
