Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
