I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
