I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
