you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
