I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
