If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
