Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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