I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
