do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
