WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
