i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
