Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My ass is underappreciated
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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