rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
