She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
