if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
