If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The air was thick with penises
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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