At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
