You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
