Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
