I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
