I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
