I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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