I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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