so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
