I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
